When Broadway Divas Meet
by Lois Lane1
Summary: I read "When Musical Ladies Meet" and found that it was missing some characters. Read that one first and then read mine. When the divas meet this time they have to vote on two new members.


The Witch from Into The Woods (played by none other than Miss Bernadette Peters) is now directing the meetings for the "Broadway Diva's Club".

WITCH: Order! Order!  This meeting will come to order I say or I shall put a nasty spell on all of you!  Children should listen!

BAKER'S WIFE: I agree.  Now, roll call.

WITCH: First, we'd like to greet our new and younger members of the club.

BAKER'S WIFE:  First from _Into The Woods, _my personal favorite, Little Red Riding Hood!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD:  Good day everyone!

WITCH:  Next we have Miss Kim Macafee from _Bye Bye Birdie._

KIM: How lovely to finally be a woman! Or, diva!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Louise and June from_ Gypsy_.

JUNE AND LOUISE:  Let us entertain you!

WITCH:  Our little GiGi from, er, _GiGi_

GIGI:  Bonjour!

BAKER'S WIFE: Sandy and Rizzo from _Grease._

SANDY: Hallo!

RIZZO: Yeah!

WITCH:  Lucy and Peppermint Patti from _You're a Good Man Charlie Brown._

LUCY AND PATTI: Hi

BAKER'S WIFE:  Mary, Mary quite contrary Lennox from _The__ _Secret___Garden__._

MARY:  I hate it when people say that!

WITCH:  Wendy Darling, and Tiger Lilly from _Peter Pan._

WENDY: I can fly!

TIGER LILLY: Ugh a wug!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Tracy Turnblad and Penny from _Hairspray._

TRACY AND PENNY: Way cool!

WITCH:  Well, that ends all of our new members, now for role call of the others.  Martha and Lily and Rose, also from _The __Secret__Garden__.___

MARTHA: Aye, I'm here

LILY AND ROSE: (Ghostlike) Come to our Garden!

BAKER'S WIFE: Fantine from _Les Miserables.  I don't believe that you were at our last meeting._

FANTINE: I wasn't, I was dreaming.

WITCH:  Norma Desmond from _Sunset Boulevard._

NORMA:  I'm here and ready for my close up darling!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Emma from _Song and Dance._

EMMA:  Have a nice day!

WITCH: Mona, Joan and Ruby from _Dames at Sea._

MONA, JOAN AND RUBY: All aboard!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart from _Chicago_.__

VELMA: Whoopie!

ROXIE: Hacha!

TOGETHER: Jazz!

WITCH:  Um, this is er, uh, not a human, but I guess you'll work, Grizzabella the glamour cat from _Cats._

GRIZZABELLA:  Memory!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Eva Peron from _Evita__._

EVA: Don't cry for me Argentina!

WITCH:  Mrs. Levitt from _Sweeny Todd._ I believe you are handling our bake sale?

MRS. LEVITT:  Pies anyone?

BAKER'S WIFE: Dolly from _Hello Dolly._

DOLLY:  Hello Dolly!

WITCH:  Mame and Vera Charles from _Mame__._

MAME, VERA:  Open a new window!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Lucy and Emma Carew from _Jekyll__ And Hyde._

EMMA:  Hello

Lucy:  I don't know who I am!

WITCH:  Belle from _Beauty and the beast._

BELL: Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Kim from _Miss Saigon._

Kim: Here

WITCH:  Little Sally, Mrs. Pennywise, and Hope Cladwell from _Urinetown__._

LITTLE SALLY: Too much exposition!

MRS. PENNYWISE: It's a privilege to pee!

HOPE: Bunny's don't drive cars!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Nancy and Bet from _Oliver!_

NANCY AND BET: It's a fine life!

WITCH:  Cassie from chorus line.

CASSIE: One!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Eve and Yonah from _Children of __Eden__._

EVE, YONAH: Here.

WITCH:  The strippers from _Gypsy_.

ELECTRA: Twinkle!

TESSIE TURA: Refine it!

MISS MAZEPPA: Bump it with a trumpet!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Narrator from _Joseph and the _

_Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.___

NARRATOR: Go, go Joe!

WITCH:  Desiree from _A Little Night Music._

DESIREE: Send in the clowns!

BAKER'S WIFE:  El Donza from _Man of __La Mancha__._

EL DONZA: I prefer to be called Dolce Nea.

WITCH:  Mary Poppins all the way from London!

MARY POPPINS:  Yes, practically perfect in every way!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Julie from _Showboat._

JULIE: Present and accounted for.

WITCH: Dot from _Sunday in the Park with George._

DOT: Move on!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Christine from _Phantom of the Opera_.

WITCH:  Bess from _Porgy and Bess._

BESS: Here

BAKER'S WIFE:  The seven brides from _Seven Brides for Seven Brothers._

SEVEN: HERE!!!!!!

WITCH:  Daisy and Violet from _Sideshow._

BOTH IN PERFECT UNISON: HERE!

BAKER'S WIFE:  Molly Brown from _The__ Unsinkable Molly Brown._

MOLLY: I don't need you!

WITCH: Polly Browne and Maisie from _The__ Boyfriend._

POLLY AND MAISIE:  Won't you Charleston with us?

BAKER'S WIFE:  Sally and Hattie from _Follies._

SALLY AND HATTIE: We're just Broadway babies.

WITCH:  And last but not least, Florence from _Chess._

FLORENCE: Here.

BAKER'S WIFE:  Ok, now we can get down to business.

WITCH: Today we are voting on two new members.  Victoria or Victor Grant, from _Victor/Victoria_ and Yentl from _Yentl._

BAKER'S WIFE:  The only thing that we are unsure of is if you girls or uh guys, qualify as divas.

WITCH: It is my understanding that you have both been women and men at some point in your life so if you want to be a diva, you have to choose to stay a woman.

(women nod)

BAKER'S WIFE: All in favor of voting them in say aye.

ALL: AYE!

WITCH: Well, that settles it for them, but I'm not completely mollified, before our next meeting you must bring me, a cow as white as milk, a cape as red as blood, a hair as yellow as corn and a slipper as pure as gold.  Only then will you be members of the Broadway Diva club!

BAKER'S WIFE: Trust her!  Meeting Ajourned.


End file.
